just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
