I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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