I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
