Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
