Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
