Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize