you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
