really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
