I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
