You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize