i just had sex bonerless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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