I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize