I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
