She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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