We won't sleep together?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
