drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
