that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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