Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
