did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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