your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
