seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
sex in a hospital.. check
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
