I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
