Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
