i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
