Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
