So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
