I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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