You're my little dorito
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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