I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
