I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
