If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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