I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
