Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
