Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize