your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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