yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
