T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
