Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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