I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
