my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
