a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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