What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
