But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
