I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Your dad touched me again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
