He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize