that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
