I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
