Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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