im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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