I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
