i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
