I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
