I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
