i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
