My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
