I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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