chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
