did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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