Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
