I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
