Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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