eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize