Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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