My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
