there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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