Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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