if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
