Ambien. No doubt about it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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