someone threw a dead crab at me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
