I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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