how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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