the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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