My sheets look like a crime scene.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My feet surprised me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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