Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
