so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
