So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
