You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
