i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize