you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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