Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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