A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
