He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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