He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
