i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
