shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
