How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
