I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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