she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
