My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i will never coherently bang her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
