You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
