Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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