While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
