Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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