He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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