I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
