look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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