I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
