hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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