I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
