I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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