My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize