I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
