he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize