You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
