Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
